Post by Rootbeersama on Mar 20, 2007 21:35:12 GMT -5
Chapter One
Camp TotallyOwnage
Camp TotallyOwnage
"Stop taking all of the seat, you stupid Jew!!" a very angry fat kid dressed in a warm red coat and a blue puffy hat exclaimed, fidgeting around in his seat. The boy's reluctant seat partner, a child who wore a light green skullcap and an orange jacket, didn't take his outburst too kindly.
"It's not my fault your ass is so huge, Cartman!!" While some people may have blamed this on the long, bumpy bus-ride up the mountain it was common knowledge that those two boys were like baking soda and vinegar- mix them together and things get messy. Across from the boys sat the other half of their group of friends a boy with a blue puffy-ball hat and a light tan jacket and the other barely peeking out of his bright orange parka. The puffy-hatted boy looked over his friend's shoulder at the PsP, awfully interested at the game he was playing. Heck- he didn't even notice the large stream of cussing coming from the seat over. With an amazed look on his face, he shook his head,
"Dang, Kenny, you've been playing that game for the whole ride!"
"Hmph Mrph mriphi-hmmph!" Kenny explained without glancing up, his words muffled by the fortress of fabric around his mouth.
"A PvP battle?" the boy asked amusedly, "Must be some opponent to take you this long." It was common knowledge that Kenny was a video game master- I mean, how many people are so good at video games that they're sent to heaven to fight off demons? Kenny just shrugged the comment off and continued pressing buttons rapidly. Bored out of his mind, Stan sat back wondering how much longer it was going to take to get to the camp. All the children on the bus had received an invitation to a special camp- Camp TotallyOwnage (shutupicouldn'tthinkofaname)- up in some mountains close by South Park. Stan's parents, along with the other children's parents, decided that it would be a lovely experience for the boys and that they would have a lot of fun if they went- that and the invitations had bribery money in them- so there the children were, going off on a bus to perhaps the stupidest named camp in the world. Stan gave a blissful sigh, at least Wendy was coming as well, perhaps- his train of thought was interrupted as a big bolder of Kyle and Cartman slammed on top of him, bickering as legibly as the white screen on the TV. The two slammed Stan into Kenny who, suddenly noticing something besides his game console, popped Cartman in the face angrily. Surprised, Cartman stared dumbfounded for a bit and then broke into a high whine, leaving Kyle, Stan and Kenny to look at him as if he was running around naked. This didn't last too long though, because from the front of the bus came a shrill, angry, "SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!!!" Cartman and Kyle switched to more of a mental argument with an occasional face-making while Kenny went back to his PsP and Stan just stared out the window.
About 12 minutes of 'Are we there yet's' later, the children found themselves face to face with the snow-covered gates of Camp TotallyOwnage. There were a few trees and rocks around, and the cabins looked okay- as in 'if I poke it, it's PROBABLY not going to fall apart...'. Out of no where, a freak-ishly horrifying man popped out of no where. With a ginormous grin plastered on his face- you could tell that he was used to the business of children’s camps. Without a second’s hesitation he broke into a song.
“Oh I’m Peppy happy-“ His song was interrupted by an angry author who immediately pummeled him down to the ground shouting something about lawsuits. The children surrounded the twitching Camp Counselor wondering what the heck was going on- except Kenny who was still playing his PsP. Suddenly getting an idea Cartman grinned evilly.
"Hey, you guys! We should give him a Hitler!" Seeing all the blanks looks about him, he shook his head in disbelief.
"You guys have never done a Hitler before? It's where you stuff your finger up the person's ass and then you smear crap under their nose like a mustache." Seeing the blank faces still, Cartman tossed his hands in frustration.
"Screw you guys." Kyle went over to the Counselor and picked up a clipboard. Flipping through the pages he noticed a sheet with everyone's names and Cabin Numbers.
"Looks like they already have the cabins arranged..." Without further adieu he read off the list giving people their assigned cabins, which went something like this. (No one could identify who was in Cabins Two, Five and Six)
Cabin One
Bebe
Wendy
Red
Heidi
Cabin Three
Tweek
Pip
Craig
Clyde
Token
Cabin Four
Butters
Stan
Cartman
Kenny
Kyle
However, before anyone could even twitch, a blonde-haired girl wearing a turquoise turtleneck came flying out of the forest- backwards. As if she was drawn by a magnet she immediately smashed into Pip and the two fell down into the snow. Putting her glasses back in place, the girl looked up at Pip, her hazel eyes equally confused as he was.
"You wouldn't happen to be British would you?"
"No- he's French." Kyle, who seemed to recover first, told the girl for Pip.
"I'm not bloody French!! I'm ENGLISH!!" The English kid burst out, more annoyed at being called French then at the chick who just pummeled him. (Every man's dream)
"KIICHIGO! WHERE THE HECK DID YOU GO- oh crud." Two more girls came in the camp from the forest, and then stopped dead seeing all the new faces, while Pip picked himself up off the ground. The girl who had done the screaming had short, chocolate hair and wore pretty fashionable clothes- as well as a head band, while her friend, a amber-haired girl closed up in a black hooded jacket, had her face shoved in her PsP, her face that of extreme concentration. Being the effortless gentleman (and totally stereotypical British Person) he was, Pip helped Kiichigo up as she laughed nervously.
"Yeah.... Sorry Mishiga, Shiori... My British magnet sort of went and activated..."
"Shiori? Mishiga? Kiichigo? What the hell kind of names are those?!" Cartman looked up from giving a Hitler to the Counselor, who seemed to be in a spastic Coma.
"They're more of nicknames than anything..." Mishiga shrugged.
"Don't you have "real names" or something?" Stan asked, seeing nothing better to do.
"Noshutup." Shiori answered half a millisecond after his remark without even looking up from her PsP.
"So you have to remember your real names AND these other names?! GAH! That's too much pressure!!" Tweek replied in a shrill squeaky voice, spazzing all over.
"Darn it!" Shiori cursed, biting her tongue, causing people to look over her way. Mishiga just smiled.
"Shiori's been in a PvP battle against some "Master Gamer" for, like, an hour now. She seems to be evenly matched- which is a surprise, she's always been the best gamer out of the four of us..."
"There are three of you, dumbass. One- the British obsessed chick, Two- Miss Game Tard and Three- You. That's not four." Cartman scoffed at her. With a slightly annoyed face the girl explained.
"Well, you see, there's one more of us. It's just that she sort of--" She was interrupted by a screaming Clyde running out of the forest, pulling his pants up.
"THERE'S AN EFFING DEMON IN THE FOREST! I was just trying to pee and then I look up and--!!!" Mishiga shook her head.
"Yeah.. That'd be Zakuro. She's been stuck in that tree for a day now..." Upset that his nature calls had been ruined, Clyde burst out angrily.
"How in the hell does someone get stuck in a tree!?"
"We have no idea. Just woke up morning and she was sort of just.. In there...." Shiori mumbled, rapidly punching commands into her PsP. Mishiga looked at the spazzing Counselor and then back up at the new kids.
"Seeing as he's not going to help too much- how about we give you a tour of the camp?"
"Sure, I guess." Kyle shrugged- it was better than seeing what Cartman was going to do to the Conseler next. With a smile, Mishiga ushered the group on the not-so-well-known-but-still-well-known Camp TotallyOwnage tour.
Leading them into a clearing, Mishiga pointed out the cabins. There was a forest surrounding the area, and the cabins were split by a river and a wooden bridge that didn't look at all too sturdy. The cabins of One, Two and Five were on the Right hand side and cabins Three, Four and Six were on the Left.
"Here's where the cabins are, on the left are the boys and the right are the girls." Remembering something, she quickly added, "By the way, don't go in the water. It's ritual season for the frogs and they're looking for any reason to find a sacrifice." Cartman stared incredulously at the girl and retorted.
"No fucking way."
As if just to prove Mishiga's point a janitor stepped into the river- and was immediately attacked and drowned by frogs. As he was dragged away by a bunch of painted frogs wearing black spandex suits the children just stared in disbelief, the tour guide shrugged.
"That's why we use the bridge." Kiichigo broke into tears realizing what just happened.
"THE FROGS GOT SCOOPER! Now whose going to clean up after all the dead bodies?!"
"YOU COULD HAVE ZAKURO GO AND EAT THEM!!!" A voice shouted out muffled by the trees.
"NO ZAKURO." The girls called back, Mishiga then sighed swiping her hand down her face. She waved the new children off to put away their stuff before the tour was continued any further.
The inside of the cabins were snug and clean, the floors were wooden and there were a couple of windows around the place, each with their own set of crimson curtains. The room held 4 bunk beds, none of which were too tall- but pretty darn sweet none the less. Over in the Western side of the cabin there was a door which led to the bathroom- which had one shower and a toilet. Despite the cleanliness in the area it still looked pretty low-tech. Good old west. Upon entering the room, Stan immediately bounded onto a top bunk and bounced around on it.
"Cool! I've never been on a bunk before."
"Me neither." Kyle agreed, squishing around on his.
"Nyeh! Eh!! MEEEEEEEH" Cartman complained, trying to heave his massive body onto one of the bunk bed’s top. It was probably one of the most pointless tasks ever. While Cartman was going on with his feet, Butters started unpacking under Cartman's bunk. Kyle and Stan looked at each other doubtfully.
"I wouldn't do that Butters." Stan commented, causing the blond-haired child to look at him confusedly.
"Why not?" He inquired, standing still in his unpacking. Kyle shook his head and simply stated the obvious.
"Because Cartman's going to crash the bunk bed on you."
"Ay! Fuck you Kyle!" Cartman cursed, still trying to scramble on top of the bed. After a while, he gave up and saw that Kenny had gotten on top of the last bed without even doing anything and was back to playing his PsP. "How'd you two get up there!?"
"Mrph Mra Mermer mo me mrfimrf mirrrd." Kenny instructed him, too absorbed into his game to really care.
"There's a ladder on the other side." Stan told Cartman, making his efforts all seem like a waste of time.
When everyone was ready to move on, Mishiga showed them over to a shack close by. It wasn't by any standards a normal shack- it had been carved out from the side of the mountain. There were a lot of rocks about it and there was a pathways of interesting looking rocks sprawled out around the area. Kiichigo took charge of the tour for the moment, gesturing to the door she explained.
"This here is the Geology classroom- it’s where you meet up when you're instructed to have Geology for the day." Seeing all the confused faces she tried to explain better. "Every morning the counselors go around and post a schedule on your cabin door. Those will be the classes you have to attend. Usually the most you'll have are 3 classes in one day, and there are a lot of breaks in between."
"GAH!" Tweek exclaimed trying to figure out how to work this new schedule.
"Can't we just ditch?" Token asked what they were all thinking. Shiori shook her head, her eyes still fixated on her game.
"Nope. Last time I tried they went and set loose a pack of rapid lemmings with psychic powers on me."
"Those were Badgers, Shiori." Mishiga pointed out.
"BADGERS!?!" A voice shouted out from far away.
"Zakuro. DON'T." Shiori muttered angrily to voice, knowing what was going to happen next.
"BADGERS! WE DON'T NEED NO STINKING BADGERS!" The voice blurted out again. Kiichigo watched Shiori run off into the forest with a horned club and just continued her talk about geology.
"Anyway, this is where the Geology class meets. It's a pretty fun class, we go around; learn about the rocks, how things are shaped, get free pop rocks... The teacher is sorta scary though... He's not exactly on Earth, if you know what I mean..."
"Ah, we're used to that. Mr.. I mean Mrs. Garrison is like that all the time." Stan commented, the rest of the class backing him up. Kiichigo shook her head.
"I don't think you understand what I mean..." Just then a man fell into the group. He had bleached blonde hair with two pieces of seaweed poking out of it and dark brown sun glasses, as well as a blue surf suit. Kiichigo stared oddly at him and waved.
"Hello Mr. Tipper." The man leaped up and struck a pose about every word he said.
"HELLO KIICHIGO, SHIORI, AND MISHIG-UH! Where's the third one?" Noticing the newcomers for the first time he struck a break dancing pose. "Who are they!?" Mishiga stepped in the conversation.
"These are the new kids in the camp; we're giving them a tour." The Geologist flashed a giant smile.
"AW- NICE. Well you guys have fun, alright?" He then turned on his jetpacks and exploded out of the scene screaming "EXTREME!!!!" In response to all the strange faces, Kiichigo shook her head.
"Believe me now? That's Mr. Tipper- the Geology Teacher."
The tour was then led to a giant tree covered in ivy and vines. Pointing up into the tree, Mishiga showed the group a pretty sweet tree house, which was decorated with all sorts of devices and plants. From here, she took over the tour again.
"This is the Botany classroom. Botany is the study of plants- another class you may get when your schedule is handed off to you." She moved over to the tree and revealed a doorway in it which led to the inside of the tree where an elevator was. "It's actually pretty easy to reach. Miss Juana teaches the class. She's a bit laid back and peaceful so her class is pretty fun.. She knows a lot about plants as well-"
"Wait, wait wait.... Laid back? Peaceful?" Cartman's eyes grew dark. "HIPPIES." Mishiga looked at him confused.
"Well, yes... I suppose... But she-"
"I. HATE. HIIIPPPPIIIIIIEEEEEESSS!" Cartman screamed to the sky. Without even looking up Shiori retorted.
"And they hate you too." Before anything could get started, Kiichigo ushered the tour away.
Taking the class over by the lake, carefully avoiding the frogs and their wary eyes- the tour went on to come across a small building made entirely of sea shell material. The windows (A lot of them, mind you) were tinted blue and cast a strange glow onto the snow. Kiichigo took her place as tour-guide back and leaned against the building with a slight smile.
"This is the Marine Biology building. Personally, I think it's an awesome class."
"Isn't the lake frozen?" Butters asked, tapping the ice. After a few taps, the ice easily split revealing very freeze-your-butt-off water.
"It's not frozen- just has thin ice." Kiichigo looked disappointed, and then fired up- kicking at the ice. "SOME OF US wanted to go Ice-skating- but no. It's thin."
"If it was horribly thick, how do you think the fishies would feel- they'd feel sad. Vury, vury sad- yup." Swirling about the children found their selves face to face with a giant turquoise plushy Octopus. With a squeal, all the South Park girls immediately began to woo over how fluffy it was. The Octopus jumped back.
"AOGGLE! Who are all these poople- yup!?!"
"These are some of the new comers from just down there in South Park." Mishiga explained while Kiichigo followed this up with an introduction of the giant Octo-thing.
"This is Miss Whelk; she's the Marine Biology teacher."
"You have an Octopus teach Marine Biology." Cartman just stated, raising an eyebrow, while Mishiga shook her head,
"She's a person... But we can't seem to get her out of the outfit..." Turning to the Octo-teacher, Mishiga thanked her.
"Thanks for dropping by Miss. Whelk! I think we're going to show them Mr. Fido's class, now." The Octopus waved gracefully as a plushy Octopus can.
"Good luck! I think he's out marking his territory- yep." Feeling the stares of pure confusion, Mishiga remembered all too well when she was once as clueless as them.
"You'll see." She remarked, feeling bad that she was the one who was going to have to show them this.
The next stop was a class that lay overlooking the rest of the mountain. It was a pretty quaint house which started on a quick cliff and then when the cliff jut stopped, the structure remained up with man made supports. It was a stone building, all sorts of stones lying over the structure and the windows were blocked by thick curtains. There were all sorts of feeding boxes all over the classroom and animals of all types surrounded it. Cartman was the first to speak.
"Dude. That's like a gay Bambi story or something." Shiori shook her head, deciding to take over the tour for the time being.
"Nope, that's the zoology class- learning about animals for all you r-tards who don't know. It's pretty cool, get to travel around a lot and meet all sorts of animals." Mishiga gave an odd look.
"Yeah, I suppose its an alright class... But the teacher, Mr. Fido thinks he's a dog."
"A what." Kyle asked, wondering if he heard it right.
"A dog." Mishiga told him. "More specifically a Chihuahua." A sandy brown-haired man wearing glasses and a loosely buttoned blue-striped shirt ran around behind the group on all fours, yipping and then ran into the classroom by the means of a large doggie-door.
"Yeah...." Mishiga said, seeing the faces, "Let's just leave it at that." Turning to Kiichigo the two silently agreed and then Mishiga turned back to the group.
"So, that's about all of the classes- except Miss Morpheus. But she's sleeping right now, and you DON'T want to mess with her when she's sleeping. Her cottage is past the girl's cabin a bit and she teaches about the Nocturnal World. Sometimes the councilors will have something else for you to do, but usually it's just these classes. All you have to do is look over the sheet- if you need any of us we're in Cabin 2 so-"
"WAIT A SECOND." As she just appeared out of no where, a brown-haired girl interrupted the conversation. She wore two jackets, one grey and black and the other totally black, with basketball shorts and had assorted twigs and leaves all over her. Seeing the girl, Clyde's memories of a bad nature call were refreshed and he angrily pointed.
"It's the Forest Demon!!" Cartman stared at him angrily.
"Clyde. That's an ugly chick. There's a difference between Ugly Chicks and forest demons."
"Zak? How the heck did you get down?" Mishiga asked- only slightly shocked. Ignoring the question completely the girl poked Mishiga.
"Hey 'Shiga! I'm hijaking this tour- K?"
Zakuro lead the tour into a very dry, snow less area up near the camp and pointed out a building up ahead. Looking about, the children could pick out small parts of the mountain that were thrown astray with rubble and junk. Without hesitation the girl began to skip to the door causing Kiichigo and Mishiga to exchange glances as they realized what was going on.
"Uh Zak..." Mishiga nervously pointed out. "This teacher isn't the most considerate of people... We might want to avoid-" But the girl had already knocked on the door. Turning around, she grinned widely and gestured about the area.
"So this- this is the Bombs and Heavy Artillery class. It is THE best class in this whole camp."
"AH! AWWW!" Stan exclaimed hitting his head as Cartman began to plot evil things in his mind and Kenny quickly pulled his hood up frightened.
"GAH! TOO MUCH PRESSURE!" Tweek exclaimed freaking out about handling weaponry.
"As its name implies- we work with weaponry and bombs in this class- and if you get it on your cabin schedule- you are effing lucky." Zakuro continued.
"Does this teacher have problems too?" Butters asked a bit scared
"Of course not!" Zakuro looked at the poor child like he was insane. Just then, the door opened to reveal a freakishly tall man with tan skin and slicked back black hair. He bore a very distinct scar along his face and his eyes looked, if anything, horribly bored. His attire was anything but fashionable- consisting of a striped orange vest and a dark blue parka.
"Hmm.. What do you-" Noticing Zakuro his expression changed for the worst "oh crap. It's you." The teacher crossed his arms across his chest crossly revealing that his left hand had been replaced by a giant golden hook. "I just cleaned up after you guys thirty minutes ago."
Feeling as if an explanation was in order, the girl sheepishly looked at the group "Yeah... Shiori sorta dies all the time in that class and I have a tendency for overloading things- BUTBUTBUT!" Pulling the teacher out of his class she showed him to the newcomers. "This here is Mr. Crocodile; he's the teacher of the class. He used to be in this effing giant prison thing and they said they would let him out if he became a conseler here-" Crocodile clamped his giant hand over her mouth and waved his claw about as if he was trying to dispel something, smiling happily.
"Ah, don't listen to her. She drank too much Nitroglycerin." Kiichigo and Mishiga shook their heads.
"The only sad thing about that is that it's true."
Stan shook his head. "God. This is going to be the longest camp ever.
As the cabins got ready for bed that night, Kyle brought up an interesting question.
"So what do you guys think of Cabin Two?"
"Eh, they're okay I guess." Stan shrugged.
"I'd say they're pretty nice." Butters mumbled, drifting off to sleep.
"Mrph mrfimrf Mrph." Kenny grinned inwardly, still playing his PvP game.
"Are you guys nuts? Those chicks are stupid hos!" Cartman shouted angrily.
"Oh stop it Cartman. It wasn't their fault that crazy zoology teacher shoved his nose up your butt." Kyle retorted.
"It was wrong. WRONG." Cartman exclaimed, disturbed. Slowly, sleep came over Cabin Four- thank God too, because tomorrow was going to be quite a day.
[http://kennyshouse.proboards76.com/index.cgi?board=fanfic&action=display&thread=1174444512] Chapter One
[kennyshouse.proboards76.com/index.cgi?board=fanfic&action=display&thread=1174444968]Chapter Two
[kennyshouse.proboards76.com/index.cgi?board=fanfic&action=display&thread=1174445203] Chapter Three
[kennyshouse.proboards76.com/index.cgi?board=fanfic&action=display&thread=1174444040] Chapter Four
[kennyshouse.proboards76.com/index.cgi?board=fanfic&action=display&thread=1174773267 Chapter Five
[kennyshouse.proboards76.com/index.cgi?board=fanfic&action=display&thread=1174444968]Chapter Two
[kennyshouse.proboards76.com/index.cgi?board=fanfic&action=display&thread=1174445203] Chapter Three
[kennyshouse.proboards76.com/index.cgi?board=fanfic&action=display&thread=1174444040] Chapter Four
[kennyshouse.proboards76.com/index.cgi?board=fanfic&action=display&thread=1174773267 Chapter Five
