probably the dumbest story ever

[Shiori McCormick]

Once upon a time there was a disfunctional mountain town called South Park. One day a couple of kids were transferred to South Park because their parents got tired of them doing experiments with the toothpaste. Those poor souls. One was a shortish girl who wore a black jacket with the hood over her head covering her amber hair, blue jeans with a chain wallet in it (which was ALWAYS empty), and black shoes which you could tell have been worn for quite a while. The other was a girl with dyed brown hair, and wore a fuzzy white jacket with hints of other colors as well (very fun to pet), stylish jeans, and runnin' shoes (cuz saying "running" is not cool anymore). These kids were to attend school at South Park Elementary where they SHOULD be educated buuuuut...It's South Park. What is this "education" you speak of? Anyway, Shiori, the black hooded one, approached the school doors in her usual style. Running as fast as she can and slamming right into the door, hoping it would open and then falling to the ground. Sakura, the other girl, looked at her friend like she was a retard jelly bean.
"You know you have to open the door first, right?" She retorted, helping Shiori up.
"Riiiight. That's what she said." Shiori replied. Instead of arguing over a door, Sakura and Shiori found themselves to the principal's office to recieve their schedules. Coincidentally, they both got Mr. Garrison as their main teacher. Shiori ushered a high five to Sakura who happily accepted the offer.
"This is gunna be so tight" Shiori grabbed Sakura's hand and dragged her to a random direction to where the classroom might be. Sakura broke free in the nik (nick, nic, nik? wtf?) of time before Shiori tripped over a trash can. Thankfully the hallways were pretty much clear and then the bell rang for class to start.
"Come on Shiori. We've got to get to class before you die...again" Sakura grabbed Shiori and glanced at the room number they were supposed to be at and then shifted her glance to the door 2 feet away.
"Dude Shiori. This is where we're supposed to be"
"heheh...yaay!! Running Wild Works! TO THE EXTREME!!!" Shiori crashed through the door, interrupting their own introduction by Mr. Garrison who's face shifted to a sort of hopeful that the students might be normal in some way to aw, crap, some more dumb asses.
"Aaannnd...here they are." Mr. Garrison motioned to the Shiori on the ground, half dead and Sakura who calmly walked in like Shiori was "normal". hehe...suure. Mr. Garrison continued on with their introuction while Sakura walked up and Shiori recovered enough to join the class in the realm of the living.
"Like I said. Shiori and Sakura will be joining our class. They have come all the way from Southern California for whatever reason, but whatever." He turns to the two girls who were standing there with blank faces.
"Is there anything that you two would like to tell us about yourselves?" Almost as if Shiori had been hypnotized, her head snapped into an alert position
"OH! I can totally make a sculpture out of staples!" Sakura was scanning the room, seeing all of the blank faces on the student's faces that gave an "I don't care" expression and then she saw a certain little fat kid. She reached inside her jacket pocket and pulled out a bottle of "holy water" while lunging at him.
"BACK YOU FAT EVIL PILL BUG!!" She started to thrash the water on the fat kid. He started to roll around and sending out long strings of curses. Shiori ran over to her friend and pulled Sakura away.
"I'm sorry...Mr. Garrison is it? yeah." Shiori apologized while holding back a Sakura who was now waving around an empty water bottle.
"oh thats just Cartman, no one cares"
"AYE!" Cartman belted out, feeling very uncooooooooooooool. From the seat diagonal from the pissed off boy came a slight laughter
"Dude, she just called you a pill bug!" A boy named Kyle, who wore a green skull cap, stated mid-laugh.
"Kyle, not now please," Mr. Garrison interrupted and scanned the room for two empty seats for the newbies to sit. Sakura was placed at an empty desk behind and innocent looking boy with a blonde puff ball for hair and a blue jacket. While she took her seat safely, Shiori was instructed to sit at an empty desk next to another boy wearing an orange parka who didn't really seem to be paying attention to anything as he was playing on a PSP. On her way to her desk, Shiori tripped (by accident this time, mind you) and her head plunged right onto her desk top. Mr. Garrison ordered Kenny, the boy who's face was buried in a game console, to check if she was ok which took a few several times to get his attention. When he did come to his senses, his expression turn into one of concern. He spoke to her in a muffled voice, making the words intellegable. Sakura, from a few rows over, answered for her friend.
"She should be ok. If she's dead, it doesn't matter. She'll come back." Reacting to the reply, Kenny leaned over his desk and lightly shook Shiori, not wishing for another person with the same fate as he. Shiori rolled over onto her back and rubbed her head.
"Hey guess what? Desks are solid!" She took her seat and the class was FINALLY allowed to begin (with like...half the time gone) During this class, the students "learned" physics of sorts. Sakura was drawing plans for a soap bomb, making it look like she was taking notes while Shiori whipped out a PSP of her own and began a PVP battle with Kenny. A total of three arguments erupted, leaving about a half hour of actual learning time. All of these arguments were started in some way by Cartman. One was with Mr. Garrison about why gravity happens (oh, the insults you can think of for Cartman XD). Another was with Kyle with the usual Jew vs. Christian conflict and the last was with Craig who got sent to the principal because he flipped him off. Lunch time came upon the school. Shiori put away her PSP and met up with Sakura at her desk and waited for her to put away her stuff.
"Did you hear ANYTHING that was taught to us?" Shiori wondered, Sakura shaking her head. The two went over to the lunch cafeteria place which was pretty packed.
"Ya know what? I've got a solution." Sakura found a moderately empty area and reached inside of her jacket and took out a freaking table (not just a table...but a FREAKING table).
"Dude! I love your jacket!" Shiori exclaimed, amazed at the awesomeness of the fuzzy jacket. Almost immedeately after the two got situated, a group of four kids approached them; Cartman, Kenny, Kyle, and another kid named Stan. Through impulse, Shiori happily waved at the group.
"Hey, uhh....Sakura right? Are you SURE your friend is ok?" Stan tilted his head in inquiry.
"She's fine. Thank you for the concern though" Sakura gave a smile and invited them to sit.
"Is normal! Hey!!" Shiori pointed to Kenny
"You play games good!" The comment actually made Kenny feel kinda good. Usually when one doesn't speak much, dies hell of a lot, and is taunted over half the time, they don't hear many compliments. Cartman objected to staying with them, but Kyle and Stan being Kyle and Stan convinced him oterwise because it would be "the right thing to do" cause that TOTALLY matters in South Park.
"How did you guys end up here in South Park? From California, it's gotta be a big difference." Kyle inquired, taking a bite out of white stuff.
"OH THERE WAS SOME TOOTHPA-" before Shiori could finish, Sakura covered her mouth and continued from there
"We just got into a little trouble back at home. That's all." She let Shiori go after she was finished.
"pfft. What could you possibly do to get in trouble. You're chicks." Cartman retorted, kicking the ground. In about a milisecond after the remark, he found himself on the ground by Shiori violently punching him off the table.
"If there's one thing you should learn, it's that you shouldn't make conclusions about things you know nothing about."
"I told you he was an evil pill bug!"
"What is with that? It's funny as hell but...pill bug?" Stan objected. Sakura shrugged and explained that she had a dream where she was taken by giant fat, evil pill bugs that looked kinda similar to Cartman apparently. Oh what faces the boys gave after that story, followed by a period of silence (besides the background sound make by the other students of course). Shiori was the first to break this silence by speaking what seemed to be gibberish to a normal person besides a few distinguishable words
"Chinpokomon kaado ga nanmai arimaska"
"mrrffr" Kenny replied followed by a surprised group of kids. Translating into actual words, Kenny would have said "nijyuu" (the entire conversation pretty much meaning "How many chinpokomon cards do you have?" and replying "20"). Sakura shook her head, not really enjoying the conversation she can't understand.
"Kenny you still remember your japanese? I totally forgot most of it" a surprised Stan sat there, staring at his friend, but then continued his statement
"but I think I understand what you're saying Shiori...I got rid of a lot of mine so I have about...50 or so left" Cartman couldn't believe that people actually kept their old Chinpokomon stuff. After fads die, the dumpsters are filled with crap no one will care about again. Especially when the merchendise is programmed to convert children to the Japanese force to destroy the American government.
"Ooooh.....you talking about these things?" Sakura pulled out a giant metal case filled with Chinpokomon cards.
"Holy Shit!" Kyle gawked at the huge collection. After a few seconds of display, Sakura shut the case, put it back in the confines of her jacket and explained that she was keeping them until they were worth a lot of money so she could then sell them. Changing the subject, Shiori called for a moment of silence and put her finger to her face in a "thinking" position. Because Shiori is totally capable of thought. Then she pointed to Kyle.
"You're the one that is semi-responsible, but want to act out. The only think holding you back is that you're afraid of something. Or rather...someone. An aunt...? No! Your mom"
"Well duh. Everyone is afraid of Kyle's mom. She's a freakin bitch" Cartman managed to squeeze himself into the statement, followed by a peeved Kyle.
"Don't call my mom a bitch, you fat ass!"
"Stop calling me fat! Plus, you know it's true" Cartman felt a splash of water hit his face from Sakura, holding another "holy water" bottle.
"guys.Guys...GUYS!!!" Shouted Shiori, causing the fighting children to stop.
"God! You...Cartman" Shiori pointed to him
"You're an ass who thinks he knows everything, but truely, you're a retard. You have no ability to feel and you will die alone and miserable."
"Aye you bitch! I'm not a retard!!" Cartman tried to throw a punch at her, but Shiori's reflexes caught his arm and then knee'd him back, leaving him mumbling in anger on the ground. Sakura gave Shiori a high five, approving the counter attack. Shiori continued with her character analysis, pointing to Stan.
"You were a little difficult to figure out buut...I've come to this conclusion. You are the moral of the group, always looking for the right thing to do. You also have a fond kindness to animals. That's nice. I'm a little bit of an animal person myself."
"A little? Lies!! Shiori. Do you remember why we're not allowed in the zoo anymore?" Sakura interrupted. Shiori just smiled
" THAT WAS FUN!" This cause interest in the boys' faces.
"What did you do?" Stan asked, Sakura covering Shiori's mouth before she could start answering knowing how warped the story would get. Instead, Sakura tok the liberty of answering for her.
"So Shiori and I were at the zoo ok? Next thing I know, she's gone and a few seconds later, I hear the alarm go off. At this point, I kind of already knew what had happened because Shiori is Shiori. So I run around the corner and Shiori had set the whole pack of wolves free and was running with them. By the time she was actually caught she had set loose another few bears, lemurs, kangaroos and a kimodo dragon."
" IT WAS FUN!"
"And you think I'M retarded?" added Cartman, flinching when Shiori rose her fist threateningly.
"That was a pretty special story" Kyle commented.
"And that's the fun of it! Buut..."Shiori pointed to Kenny, finishing the last of the character analysis...es?
"You...Kenny...You have trouble keeping yourself together. You're a skilled gamer but your true interest is pr0nz. Death hovers over your head, making it hard for you to speak someti- OH SHIT!" Shiori leaped up from her seat and tackled Kenny to the ground right before a knife came flying overhead.
"Mrff!!"
"Dude!"
"Nice save Shiori!" Out of impulse and habit, Sakura rushed over and helped them up. She noticed that Shiori's arm had gotten hit by the spiraling knife before she could totally get out of the way.
"Shiori! You're bleeding!" Shiori looked at her bleeding arm.
"Huh...Guess so. Kenny! Are you ok?"
"Mmphrrph mmr Phemmefph!" Kenny was a little concerned as he got maybe as much as a bump and Shiori's arm was cut pretty deep and SHE'S asking HIM if HE'S ok???
"It's fine dude. But I was just asking. Glad you're ok"
"Shiori, you totally just understood Kenny?" Stan asked, still in the mind frame of "only they can understand the language that is Kenny".
"Of course!" Sakura tilted her head in confusion as she still was unable to distinguish Kenny's words
"You mean he's actually saying WORDS?!" Stan slapped his head

[Shiori McCormick]

"What did you think it was?" Kyle wondered. Sakura shrugged.
"Mph err phrmph?" Kenny asked, aimed at Shiori wondering what the analysis was for.
"I like to try and figure out who people are by observation. Because yall are here, I tried on you and by the look on your faces, I'd say I was pretty darn close to accurate." A boy walked up to the group and by the looks of it, the boys already knew the newcomer.
"HEY! IT'S YOU!!" Sakura blurted out as it was the boy who was sitting in front of her in Mr. Garrison's class.
"Well hey there guys!" the boy said, the others simotaneously replying
"Hi Butters..." Sakura's face lit up with excitement and started to bounce up and down.
"BUTTERS!!!!!(not one, not three...but 5 exclaimation points!)" This outburst made Butters jump a little bit
"uhh hi there new kid whose name I don't remember" Completely ignoring the statement, Sakura rummaged through her jacket and pulled out a peanut butter peanut cracker and shoved it in front of Butter's face.
"If you were a delicious snack food, you would be a Peanut Butters! XD"
"Well if that's the darndest thing I ever saw" Cartman was getting tired of Butters already and he's only been there for a few moments. The author couldn't think of anything else for Butters to do so she made him go away. Sakura then remembered what she had been doing for the day. She took out the paper from her jacket and scanned it over. She waved at the still bleeding Shiori to come over. Shiori came, holding her arm to help control her bleeding and looked over Sakura's shoulder at the paper.
"Awesome! Did you do this suring class?" She asked. Not being able to be included in this scheme, Cartman weasled himself between the girls, trying to get a glimps of the paper. The girls took away the paper before he could see it though.
"AYE! Lemme see the papeerrrrrr~!" Cartman tried grabbing for the paper, but his fat ass restricted his reach. Instead, the girls moved away letting him fall on the table, making the others laugh.
"If we show you, we'd have to kill you" Sakura mentioned followed by a meniacal (shuddup I can't spell) laugh.
"maybe...they can help?" Shiori pulled Sakura to the side and the two debated on whether they should let the boys in on the soap bomb experiments. In the end, Shiori threw the friendship missle explaining how their parents said making new friends would help them win at life (WTF?). So Sakura agreed to have them help because losing at life isn't fun (Just ask Shiori and Kenny...they lose at life all the time). The two turned back around and adressed the court...I mean...group...yeah. I can write really.
"Would you guys like to help us create something so awesome, it probably won't work?" Shiori started, and before she ruined the explaination anymore, Sakura took over.
"What she means is, I made some plans for a soap bomb."
"A soap...bomb?" Kyle repeated.
"I soap even flammable?" stan added to the question.
"We don't know. We're going to try it anyway"
"Shiori! Who said you could talk??" sakura nudged Shiori who and retorted an "I be quiet nowz" statement. Kenny then spoke up, asking about the possible danger factor of the experiment. Sakura looked at Shiori to translate, but she didn't reply, remembering that she wasn't supposed to talk. Instead she recieved a translation from Stan. Then, and only then, was Sakura able to answer
"Umm...Not sure exactly Kenny...It's soap soo...It shouldn't hurt too much unless it reaches massive levels with temperature enough to dissolve your skin." This answer triggered a response from Cartman.
"That's like. The first cool thing you've said today."
"With your fat ass, it could shield us all from the explosion" Kyle commented, chuckling to himself. Cartman scowled at the little jew boy. Sakura unshielded the piece of paper with the plans on it. Everyone quickly huddled around it and scanned the sheet with eager eyes. The plans were checked and revised to make the experiment go a little more smoothly. Then another problem came up.
"What are we going to use for a container?" Stan openly asked, leaving everyone with blank faces. Each thought for a moment and blurted out ideas
"pen?"
"bag?"
"cup?"
All plausible suggestions, but then Kyle had an apiffany. He rummaged through his backpack and pulled out the coolest looking water bottle EVER! It was one of those aqua pod water bottles and all of its roundness.
"What about this guys?" he waved the bottle around and returned in the group. Shiori snatched the bottle and played around with it in her hands, tossing it up in the air and catching it. A happy Shiori was then not so happy when Sakura grabbed the bottle from her and examined it.
"This is perfect Kyle. How many of these do you have?"
"I have about 3 with me but there's a whole bunch at my house." Kyle brought out 2 more bottles, one of which, was lost after Shioristole it and kicked it off into the distance (they are soooooooo much fun to kick). Now they had 2 bottles instead of 3 (just in case you couldn't do math).
"That's ok. We only need about 2 right now anyway. You guys free after school?" Sakura motioned to the boys, waiting for a reply. The overall turnout was that Kenny and Cartman could go for sure as their parents don't really give a f*uck where they are, Stan had to ask his mom, but he was pretty sure he could stay and Kyle had to also ask his mom, but would need to lie because knowing Kyle's mom, she wouldn't let him stay after school to make stuff explode. Now completely getting out of that subject, the rest of lunch was now being held outside (BEAUSE ITS GOOD FOR YOU!!!) for recess. The most holy of school hours. During their time in the outdoors place of not inside, Shiori and Sakura were pulled away from their new friends by a kid with a blue jacket and hat with a yellow puffball on its top. His name was Craig.
"I wouldn't hang out with them if I were you."

[Yum wafflez]

XD haha, this is good.

[Shiori McCormick]

and more is being typed little by little

[Shiori McCormick]

"Why not?" Sakura cheerfully asked. Shiori gave Sakura a look saying that she was tired of being quiet. Sakura gave her approval and then she happily spoke.
"They're fun though~!!!"
"At first they might seem nice...well nice would be kind of inaccurate. Eventually, you guys will be stuck in some scheme where you'll end up in some awekward situation in some other country with no way back. Then you'll have to hijack some vehicle and once you get home, you're all in trouble because you didn't get home in time for dinner, or something stupid like that." The girls had a "who cares" expression on their faces. Shiori also tilted her head and smiled.
"That sounds like fun~ I love traveling." After a while of having a verbal battle with Sakura and Shiori, Craig gave up in trying to convince them of what they're getting themselves into is a bad thing. He shrugged and let them go continue to hang out with the others. During the rest of recess, Sakura was assigning people different jobs in construction of the soap bomb. Cartman was to gather the soap hopefully without eating it first, Kyle was the keeper of the bottles, Stan was to help Sakura figure out a way to make it go boom and Kenny and Shiori were going to switch off being watchers and assistants. After the longest lunch period/recess ever, the bell rang for class to begin once more. The subject being taught this time was history, making a certain Shiori collapse on her desk.
"Alright class, now were going to start a project for social studies. You will be split into groups and each group is to make a short video which is to show a parody of a civil war battle." A series of groans came from the class except for a newly motivated Shiori who started to happily bounce in her seat. The next step Mr. Garrison adressed were the groups. He had everyone put their names on a sheet of paper and put it in a box. Mr. Garrison then picked out groups of five. Sakura was in a group with Wendy, Kyle, Stan, and Butters (Buttersssss~!!!!!) Kyle just had a sigh of relief because Bebe wasn't in his group. Shiori's group was made up of Clyde, Craig (just the person who she wanted to be around D:), Cartman, and Kenny. She found it kind of retarded how she was the only girl in the group, but all in all, she didn't really care. The time spent for planning the video was spent goofing around with pointless babble. I think Shiori and Sakura were the only ones who did ANYTHING productive for any amount of time. That production time was about...two minutes? The rest of the class time was a boring education experience that about half the class, including Shiori, were sleeping. Sakura spent her time writing one of her five bajillion series. Nothing important was being taught. It was the usual math, reading, and science. Like I said...not important. Then the end of school came and Shiori, Sakura, Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman met up out in front of the school.
"Is there an empty/ abandoned place we can go to start the experiment?" Shiori asked. Cartman surrendered the bomb shelter he locked Butters in a while ago during the Casa Bonita incident. Everyone agreed on the location and headed in that direction.
"Cartman. Go get the soap" Sakura commanded
"Where the hell am I supposed to ge soap?"
"How should I know? Go get some at our house or whatever." Mumbling to himself, Cartman left the group to obtain the soon to be exploded soap. The rest of them went into the bomb shelter, Sakura getting excited.
"This is PERFECT!!" Stan and Kyle cleared an area where the soap bomb was to be constructed. Shiori was the first on lookout and went to the top of the freaking ladder and stuck her head out of the ground. Kenny helped Sakura create another area where they were to test the detination of the soap bomb. Good thing there was an excessive amount of matches in the shelter. After a while of waiting, Cartman returned with ONE bottle of soap.
"What the hell is this?" Stan asked.
"What? I got soap!" defended the fat tard.
"It's just one bottle!"
"Don't we only need one bottle?"
"For the prototype yes but if it works, we will need more than one bottle" Sakura had no choice but to break this retarded fight up.
"Guys shut your freaking faces! Cartman, just give me the freaking bottle" Wide eyed, Cartman shakily handed over the soap.The experiment then began with high hopes that SOMETHING Sakura and Shiori did led to success. CROSS YOUR FINGERS EVERYONE!! Everything seemed to be running smoothly. Construction of the first bomb was tough at first, but once everyone figured out what the frik they were doing. Kenny and Shiori had switched their posts sometimes during the construction. and then it was ready to test. Sakura called everyone over to the area where detination was to happen.
"Alright...we're ready to light" Shiori got excited. Then the retard (Cartman) freaking tripped into Shiori who was holding the freaking match...which was on fire BY THE WAY!! Shiori, thankfully avoided the fire falling over but it hit the fuse on the soapy aqua pod. All of the children backed away, not knowing the resction of fire to soap. Apparently it was highly combustable. The fiery soap splattered everywhere and spread extremely quickly. The children rushed to the exit before it was too late. First Kyle, then Stan, Sakura, Cartman but a wall of flame spurred right in front of the last two before they could reach the escape. Outside, the ones who made it out, were gasping for air, coughing and weezing...
"Holy shit! Who knew Soap was THAT flammable?" Stan said with every breath that wasn't horribly contorted with hacking.
"yeah...Shiori, are you ok?..." Sakura asked, waiting for a reply
"Shiori?...SHIORI!!" sakura became alert noticing her surroundings for the first time since they came outside.
"Shit...Kenny's down there too!" Kyle added.
"Those slackers." Cartman coldly uttered, followed by a glare from Sakura.
"There's nothing we can do...the flames are blocking the entrance. We have to get out of here" Kyle ushered the group away from the smokey ground. On the inside, Shiori was trying her best to keep from inhaling a lot of the smoke. She grabbed Kenny's arm and dragged him to the ground where there was less smoke. They huddled together, hoping the flames would magically go away on their own. That hope was crushed when the merciless flames engulfed the entire shelter, leaving everything inside, incinerated.
The survivors panted to the Starks Pond. They found an area with at least thin ice they could break through to get water to clean themselves up. It was getting late. The kids' parents were starting to wonder where their children were so they parted, saying their rather gloomy farewells. At least tomorrow was a new day with things in store...and Shiori and Kenny would be back for probably more abuse. No one knows what's in store for South Park...whatever comes to the author's mind at the time I guess


THIS IS THE ENDING OF CHAPTER ONE!! holy crap this thing was long...or at least longer than I expected it to be